Kisses from one of my fav boys in my life*
Idk what’s going on with me tonight but I’ve been feeling really lonely and upset ..it’s really getting to me everything that happened with Robby and now things with Glenn ..I should really end it cause it’s only gonna hurt me in the long run. I know he doesn’t want anything else but for some reason I can’t pull myself to leave..I feel so stressed out but idk from what and it’s really getting to me..I need to go for a drive and just clear my mind, I can’t wait to head out to Norwalk tomorrow cause I love that little city life feeling ..I really don’t know what’s wrong with me ..I just need to get away..going to the carnival with steven today really made me upset.. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. I love the company from Glenn but when we aren’t together, we don’t talk and clearly that shows that he’s just in it for the sex and I don’t wanna be like that, I want a fucken relationship and someone who’ll REALLY care about me ;/ ugh ..fml I fucken hate my life right now..
I’m trying hard to rearrange, some say it’s the hardest thing to do ..
so it’s sunday, dec. 20th’ 09 . it’s been almost 3 weeks since i’ve last heard from him and it’s okay. i’m doing alright, i know i am.. it’s hard, & i think about him every single second of my life but i can’t change what’s happened, i can’t change his feelings. i can’t force a relationship with him when he doesn’t want it so i’m okay. i’m accepting it, im not moving yet, im not ready yet, but i’m slowly starting to accept that it’s over and i know i’m going to be okay. as hard as it is, i only come out a stronger person from situations like this. all i can tell myself is that if i made it through everything with jayr, i can get through this b/c that was rough, probably worst that this. just so much heartache & pain with him. this time though, i think it hurts so bad b/c i really thought he was different. with jayr, i expected something to happen. i didn’t think jon would be like that, let alone just let it go without talking about it. as much as i want to email or text him, i won’t because i did all that i could to make it work. he didn’t want to talk to me or attempt to get together and that’s okay. it only shows that he didn’t want to be with me and that is what i need to start accepting. i’m moving forward with my life. winter break is finally here so i can now relax from school work. & there’s only 4 more shopping days, so just 4 more days of stress from work & then the holiday rush will be done & over with. i like christmas and the holidays but working in the mall is really starting to turn me into a grinch. i wasn’t like this last year but that was also because i barely worked last year so i wasn’t around it that much. this year though since im 18 i can open & close alone and there’s been a lot of that ;[ i hate it . makes me wanna leave but at the same time i do love working there. erg . anywhosss, work is such a bore . i really hope i don’t have to deal with any snow rides b/c honestly, by 3 the rodes will be fine . it’s funny, everyone was making such a huge deal out of the weather, it was suppose to be like 10+ inches but we must have gotten like.. 5 ? barely. but the snow is sticking so it is dangerous, but give it some time & the rodes will be clear as water from ppl driving & the plow trucks & dirt/salt . im so ready for winter to be over already, UGH . im hating the cold. it’s making me so dry & all i want to do is dress in shorts & t-shirts ! GAAHHH &&& on top of that, winter=no clubbing ! ;( what a bummer & when we do go out, it’s just way too freezing to wear dresses or skirts so it’s jeans & a shirt & i hate dressing like that . i love my dresses and/or skirts lololol :) but yeeeeah . i think im going to start reading the twilight saga’s again b/c i just watched new moon last night & it was pretty good, but it definitely makes me love the books even more b/c there is just so much detail that isn’t in there. sandara & ryan were confused b/c they haven’t read the books so some parts in the movie are unclear & you won’t understand unless you’ve read the books . but i definitely recommend the books more, i love them<3 & im so ready to read them again for the fun of it lol. but alrightie. it’s about to be 11, im going to play some more games then start doing work at probably 1 . lol there isn’t much to do & 4 hours is plenty of time to get it all done . & let’s cross our fingers for no snow ride calls b/c that’ll be annoying ! kk . i’ll tumbl laterrr ;D
temptation will lean on the doorbell, but opportunity will only knock once.
Happy thursday ! One more day until friday, yay! FINALLY ! Finally won’t be broke anymore lol . I hate it, JUST getting by with the weeks.. what a long & stressful week ;/ too much going on, I REALLY need to get my head straight but UGHHH, all i wanna do is shoooop >.< so bad . can’t wait until saturday, shop shop shopping spreeeee :D yay* it’ll be good, even though it’s not for me, it’ll still be nice to spend money lol . i love spending money, definitely not one of those cheap peoples. I had a customer yesterday and she was freaking out that she was spending almost $20 on jewelry. it’s like, if you don’t wanna spend the money, then DON’T BUY THE STUFF ! duh ! gosh, dumb people these days. but anywhosss, the day’s are getting a little better? Not really sure. I’m passing the time doing other little things & trying not to think too much about him. It doesn’t help that I dream about him ;/ but at least I haven’t read old emails & text msgs. That’s the worst cause I beat myself up even worst about it when I do that cause I still don’t understand where it all went wrong but it’s alright, I’ll be okay. I always am. I always pull through, no matter how much shit people put me through. I made it out alright after everything with jayr & I’ll make it out of this okay. Definitely not the same girl anymore. A stronger, & wiser girl.. I won’t ever let it happen again. sigh* Anyways, today is ‘buy my christmas tree’ day :D FINALLY ! there’s like 2 weeks left & we’re just getting one now, lol. but it’ll be nice to have it up & all prettyful :) so yeah, going to go buy one now sooo, toodles* <3
staying strong & forever smiling*
Don’t Cry Because It’s Over. Smile Because It Happened.
snow snow, go away, come again another day.